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The Most Effective Way to Discipline Children

Every parent has been there. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best parent in the world. It doesn’t make a difference if you’re strict or lenient, distant or nurturing. At some point your child will not behave the way you want him to. She will not obey your clear verbal command. He will not respond to your simple instruction. And you will need to lay down the law.

So what is the best way to discipline children? Of course there’s no “right” method; every parent has to find the approach that works best for your family. And every child is different, making a one-size-fits-all approach impossible. But there are some simple guidelines which can help any parent to discipline children more effectively.

The foremost rule of discipline is to think preventively. If you can avert a behavior problem before it happens, you will always be better off. Start noticing the moments when your child’s behavior begins to deteriorate. What is setting him off? Maybe your child turns grumpy in the afternoons when coming home from school. That could be caused by hunger or fatigue. Just getting him to bed on time the night before and packing him a snack to eat in the afternoon might prevent the bad attitude later in the day. The trick is to anticipate and avoid problems. If your daughter has a fit because she doesn’t want her broccoli touching her mashed potatoes, then rather than arguing it with her, serve the broccoli on a separate plate and the misbehavior is averted. (Sometimes you have to choose your battles.) It is always better to circumvent opportunities for bad behavior than to let the misbehavior happen and then have to discipline children.

Another key rule when you discipline children is that you must always – always! – be firm and consistent. Children need security and certainty. Though they will protest, they don’t really want to be in charge. They want to know that the adults have everything under control – including them! So when children defy adults, understand that they aren’t really trying to get their way. What they’re really doing is testing your boundaries, to see if those limits really exist. Children want to know for sure that you’re in control, and they will find out by challenging your control at every turn.

This is why it’s crucial, absolutely essentially, that you remain consistent when you discipline children. Set up clear rules and expectations. Communicate your rules and expectations to the kids. Provide simple rewards, like verbal praise, when rules are followed and expectations met. When rules are broken, consequences must follow. If threats are made (“If you don’t stop hitting you’re sister I’m going to turn this car around and go straight home!”) then the threat must be followed through. The moment you allow a rule to be broken, allow a boundary to be crossed, or make a threat which you don’t follow through on, you’ve failed to discipline children correctly. You may not see the failure right then and there, but it will come back to haunt you in spades. No, to discipline children effectively, you must never go back on your word. Be clear, firm and consistent, and the children will know that you mean business.

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